“Death creates an economy that makes life precious. One of the ways of naming that preciousness is friendship.”
Stanley Hauerwas

The pain and necessity of forgiveness

 Simon Smart

Page 3 of 3

The history of the Commission makes for extraordinary reading. There are many stories of harrowing loss, the pain of the victim and grinding guilt of the perpetrators. The power of public confession and the accompanying release of anguish this brings was powerfully on display. Most notable were the extraordinary moments of forgiveness that offered something like a balm to the unspeakable hurt that had transpired. Chair of the Commission Archbishop Desmond Tutu named his book on this important chapter of his life and the life of his country No Future Without Forgiveness. While politicians and lawyers aimed for non-violent co-existence, Tutu and other spiritually oriented people sought something far more ambitious. Tutu spoke of the hope for true reconciliation where alienated parties would be restored to relationship. This, notes Govier, was a much more emotionally rich and ambitious goal.

Tutu’s work was inextricably bound to his Christian faith, and he frequently spoke of his belief that ‘only because God had reconciled us to him by sacrificing his Son Jesus Christ on the cross did true and lasting reconciliation between humans become possible.’ For Tutu, it was forgiveness that made possible a future worth living.

In his book Tutu tells a story out of the U.S., of Marietta Jaeger, the mother of a seven-year-old girl, Susie, who was brutally and callously murdered. In the 20 years since her daughter’s death, Marietta has worked with victims of violent crimes, and she says her experience taught her that while initial natural and valid rage is the right of the victims, those who hold on to a vindictive spirit in the end give the offender another victim. ‘Embittered, tormented, enslaved by the past, their quality of life is diminished. However justified, our unforgiveness undoes us. Anger, hatred, resentment, bitterness, revenge – they are death-dealing spirits. And they will “take our lives” on some level as surely as Susie’s life was taken. I believe the only way we can be healthy, happy persons is to forgive,’8 she says.
  Anger, hatred, resentment, bitterness, revenge – they are death-dealing spirits   
 

I would have to admit to finding the act of forgiving easier to talk about than put into practice. When I think of extreme examples of deep wrongs committed against innocent people, I have what I suspect is a fairly common aversion to talk of forgiveness. Susan Jacoby thinks that the Sermon on the Mount’s call to ‘love your enemies and bless those who curse you and do good to those who hate you’, sets up an idea that is morally beautiful but humanly unattainable,’ and I have some sympathy for that view. But I also recognise that in our homes, our marriages, within families and communities, forgiveness is badly misunderstood and much needed. Described as the ‘final form of love’ by Reinhold Niebuhr, forgiveness remains the most powerful antidote to bitterness, destructive patterns of pay-back and recrimination, and paralysing resentment. Humanly unattainable in some contexts it may be; divinely inspired and enabled we hope it is. Forgiveness remains a vital element of much needed change in the lives of both individuals and communities.

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8. Desmond Tutu, No Future Without Forgiveness, (Rider Books, UK, 1999), page 121 - 122.

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10-Aug-2009 10:48 PM Anonymous 5 out of 5 stars
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22-Apr-2010 01:22 PM Don 3 out of 5 stars
The opposite of 'holding on to resentment' is 'letting go of resentment'. The latter may or may not include forgiveness and, I suggest, this would depend on the context. In letting go we regain any equilibrium lost from a fractured relationship, but how does that compare with the way that God forgives? As Christians we believe that all have sinned and are in need of reconciliation. God's system for processing that reconciliation requires that we accept our responsibility, turn away from past iniquity and ask for forgiveness from the one we have offended. The Truth and Reconciliation Commission appear to have followed that path, with forgiveness being the final act - not the first. If we have some other model of forgiveness, are we not saying that we can design a better system than God's?

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