I just went to the funeral of a former colleague and was reminded of how I want to live.
Even though I hadn’t known Steve very long, we had spent many hours together in Zoom meetings or chatting in the office. I was deeply moved during the eulogies but also laughed when his love language was described as “random facts”. Steve loved a north-facing house, native plants, and cycling, and he believed there were no bad foods if you rode enough kilometres to compensate. He had a lot of great advice on how to choose a wine. I remember him raving about his amazing wife and discussing his children, equally worrying about and praising them.
A common thread in all the speeches from family and friends was how much he enjoyed a chat. During the funeral, it struck me that the reason for this was that Steve was completely invested in every conversation. His eyes met yours, his body turned towards you. He listened and responded to you in ways that made you feel heard and interesting. When he shared his many stories, he seemed to re-experience the emotion he felt during the experience and vividly recalled what was said. He could remember so well because he had been fully present in those experiences too.
In contrast, I’m almost always distracted. I’m half doing one thing while starting another. I play games on my phone while I watch a show, I always have too many different tabs open. “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives,” said Annie Dillard. My life is incrementally happening, whether I notice it or not. I’m technically only halfway there, so there’s still time to be present.
