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What is the impact of a father? That has been a difficult question to answer, and often subsumed within studies looking at the effects of parents in general, and perhaps understandably, more of an emphasis on the mother. In psychotherapeutic study, attachment theory in particular has focused on how one’s interactions with their parents affects their later functioning in life. Students of psychoanalysis traditionally study infants for this reason, for the insights that observing a developing life have on understanding who we are later in life.
Many, for example, are familiar with Mary Ainsworth’s “Strange situation” which studied infants and how they responded to situations with or without a parent, and there is considerable research regarding the consistency of personality features later in life. What many are not aware of, however, is the unusual inconsistency between maternal attachment and later life functioning. Coined as the “Transmission Gap” (in 1995 by van Ijzendoorn), it’s the strange finding in research that one’s relationship with their father is at least as important as one’s relationship with their mother.
Another review found that “the quantity and quality of paternal involvement produces positive affects on children’s social, emotional and cognitive development, as well as a significant impact on the avoidance of delinquent and/or risky behavior. (Volker, 2014)”. Stability and presence leads to the concept of a “secure attachment”, navigating the pestilent worlds of adolescent change, and then finding consistency in the universe, and one’s place in it.
Simply put, when fathers show up, and are present, the world is an incrementally better place.
While the role of a father continues to be the subject of much thinking, scholarship and research, the Bible offers some interesting ancient case studies. The story of Joseph – the husband of Mary and Jesus’ earthly father – appears almost as a footnote in biblical accounts. We’re aware of a person who – upon hearing the news that his soon-to-be wife is pregnant, initially plans to quietly break off the engagement. He is then told that he is responsible for safeguarding the most important life in history, and helps bring him into the world. We assume that Jesus learned his trade from his father, but Joseph is absent by the time Jesus ‘goes public,’ assumed by many scholars as deceased.
It appears that the role of Joseph began and ended with little fanfare. But he was there when it counted. He set out to do the right thing, provided a place of safety, of guidance, and then stayed in the background to allow majesty to unfold.
Some time ago, I was providing psychotherapy to a ten-year-old boy suffering with depression. I recalled that a major challenge for him was missing his father, who had to spend long periods of time overseas for work, and as a result was often unavailable. Much of my therapy was based on helping him to cope with this loss. As I recall, he was a fan of the animated series Futurama, and particularly enjoyed an episode where one of the main characters met God, or a surprisingly sensitive facsimile of one. A quote from the episode stuck with that young boy, and he needed to make sure I understood how important it was to him: “When you do things right, people won’t be sure you’ve done anything at all.” He repeated this at multiple sessions, and it wasn’t clear to me why it carried such weight, apart from being spoken by a divine paternal figure.
It was several years later when I realised what he was talking about. Despite his challenges, he was aware of his father, and what he was doing for him. I think that young boy understood the importance of fathers more than most psychotherapists.
Perhaps what Joseph achieved is what every father should aspire to. To be present, to work hard, to protect, and to bring glory into the world. And to do things so right that people don’t realise you’ve done anything at all.
Neil Jeyasingam is a Clinical Associate Professor of Psychiatry and is an Associate at the Centre for Public Christianity.
References:
Khaleque, A., & Rohner, R. P. (2012). Transnational Relations Between Perceived Parental Acceptance and Personality Dispositions of Children and Adults: A Meta-Analytic Review. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 16(2), 103-115. https://doi.org/10.1177/1088868311418986
Volker J (2014). PATERNAL INVOLVEMENT: A REVIEW OF THE FACTORS INFLUENCING FATHER INVOLVEMENT AND OUTCOMES. TCNJ JOURNAL OF STUDENT SCHOLARSHIP VOLUME XVI APRIL, 2014. https://joss.tcnj.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/176/2014/04/2014-Volker.pdf
